I’m trying to remember what happened approximately 17 minutes ago, but it’s difficult for me to do this during daylight hours ~ much less at 3:30 in the morning.
I was sound asleep in La-La Land, dreaming about food and cooking (doesn’t everybody dream about this?!) when, all of a sudden, I wake from my slumber and see an orange and yellow glow coming from the kitchen.
OH MY GAWDDDD, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!
I jump out of bed and run TOWARDS the orange-yellow glow. When I got to the living room, I heard a man’s voice,
What’s wrong?! What’s wrong with you?”
GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALL HER ATTACHMENTS!!!!!!!!
At 3:30 am, on the ninth day of July, in the year of our Lord, I almost peed myself.
Thank goodness there was a wall behind me for support, because my legs turned to jello. Hearing my Husband’s voice almost scared the pee out of me!
Me: What are you doing?
Husband: What does it look like I’m doing?
Me: Well, hurry up – I have to pee really bad.
Husband: What’s wrong with you?
Me: I thought I smelled something burning and when I woke up, I saw a yellow glow in here.
Husband:You need to get your eyes checked.
Me: Well, you need to NOT light up the house just to pee!
From the moment I woke up thinking something was burning to attempting to see past eye-boogers, the glow in the kitchen was actually THE DAMN BATHROOM LIGHT.
Are you kidding me?! Who needs to light up the house like Times Square to pee?
Do all men turn on the lights when they pee? Do women turn on the lights and I just don’t know it?
There are lessons to be learned in the wee hours of the morning:
- Stop dreaming about food.
- Don’t drink so much water before going to bed.
- Get your eyes checked.
- If you think your house is up in flames, it could be your Husband’s in the bathroom.
- Change the batteries in the fire alarms ~ in case #4 is NOT happening!
Husband and I made it safely back to our bed, but as I was laying there I couldn’t help but think 1) how hilariously stupid I just looked and 2) what if something bad had really happened?! Perhaps the most important reason I couldn’t go back to sleep: I knew this ridiculously funny (and embarrassing) event had to become a blog post. I love knowing that somebody else is going to laugh out loud at my pre-dawn story of almost peeing myself.
Aren’t you glad I got out of bed and posted this for your reading pleasure?
Now, I’d really like to get a few more hours of sleep.