Hostess with the Leastest

Disclaimer: this post is entirely a pissed-off rant session. I have a skull-splitting headache and having a self-proclaimed pity party. For the ladies that so graciously and generously attended today’s luncheon – M.J., T.C., L.W. and Lil’ A – I’m so thankful and appreciative. I’m glad we could share this meal – plus recipes – and the laughs together. My favorite part of the day was watching Lil’ A and Kevin…she knows a good guy when she sees one. Plus, she had a blast with the horses.

It’s times like these that cause me say What the f*ck?

Six weeks ago I decided that I was going to host a luncheon at my house. After some consideration, I decided it would be a recipe swap/potluck. Everybody brings a prepared dish, including copies of the recipe, to share with the group. Soon afterwards, I began making preparations. I ordered custom invitations (the snail-mail variety), created an invite list, and collected recipes.

On a recent trip to Austin, I found a colorful set of tableware I thought would be perfect for a “spring” luncheon. Nothing fancy, but definitely festive. 

Trying to be the Hostess with the Mostess, I went to a local shop and bought recipe-themed items and spa/pampering products to fill seven gift bags. I filled another gift bag with items from Starbucks®. Yeah, I spent some moo-lah on this damn thing.

Housecleaning Fairy – $100.00

“Vacation” Day to cook and prep – $125.00

Custom Invitations and Postage – $57.00

Tableware and tablecloth – $35.00

Board Game – $27.00

Fresh flowers – $15.00

Food and drinks – $100.00

Gifts – $83.00

I don’t even want to know this total. Besides, I’m just guessing at these amounts and most likely forgot a purchase or two. I don’t want to know…I really don’t.

OK, yes I do.


Holy. Heifer. It’s not about the money. It’s principle. I sent 32 invitations. Eight responded. Three attended. I didn’t have a clue how many people were actually coming. As a good Southern woman does, I planned as if they were all coming – hoping for the best, prepared no surprises. Of course, I over-did everything – from the gifts to the fresh flower arrangements.

Four adults…that’s $135.00 per person (the toddler doesn’t count, she didn’t eat enough to feed a canary). We should have met someplace for lunch and saved all of us the hassle.

Three strikes for my hosting abilities:

One showed for New Year’s Eve

No response on Derby at Lonestar Park

Three and a half (remember, the toddler) attend the Recipe Swap

 I’m out.



  1. […] and amazing parties I don’t host and people don’t attend. If you read my post, Hostess with the Leastest you’d understand this statement. Perhaps decorative plates will encourage people to show up […]

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