OK, so let me explain this title. Finally, after years of pondering, Husband and I, we think, have created the perfect nickname for me: ROT-10. (Instead of rotten, it’s rot and the number ten. Get it? Yeah? Not really? Whatever. Moving on.) I admit my spoiled-ness, but Kevin is always sure to extenuate the rotten part. He even suggested a personalized license plate for my car. I’m cool with that. (Hey, don’t nobody steal my idea, ya hear?) So, to prove I deserve this nickname, I will explain what I did today.
I woke up this morning with a delightful lover’s glow (I’ve been gone a week, don’t hate) and appointments at two salons: JKS and Deluxe Nail Spa. It’s been six-months-plus since I had had a haircut or brow wax (thank you, Shandee, for trimming my dreadful-and-curly locks from their frizzy hell and my eyebrows, oh my, bless your heart for saving that mess!). To me, a haircut and brow wax is enough pampering for one’s mental health but Husband (that’s what I call him in the privacy of our home, so why change it on the World Wide Web?) encouraged me to “get extra did” at the say-lon (his words, not mine). So, feeling much obliged, and with his credit card, I did. I made an appointment at Deluxe Nail Spa and told the lady I wanted the works, whatever that means. (I honestly do not remember the last time I had a manicure; I believe it was the day before our wedding: March 31, 2007). I was looking forward to the mega-massage chairs this place offers. You can see the extra-large chairs as you drive by, they are THAT big. Turn that puppy on and let me be. Sweet. Bliss.
I’ll be honest…I’m as lost as an Easter egg when it comes to being inside a nail salon. I don’t know the difference between acrylic or acetone (that’s a lie, but it sounds good). However, I know what a French manicure is and I like them. I’m a traditionalist when it comes to nails, nothing crazy or fancy, just simple. And, for goodness sakes, the length of the nail is very important. I’m pretty sure I would be capable of bruising myself in a padded room, but I could cause serious bodily harm with long, sharp nails.
The very nice lady at the front desk tried to explain to me all the options and differences – she had a thick accent that was hard to understand – but it all sounded Greek to me. When she had that expression on her face that said, “So, what’s your choice, Sucker?” I replied with my Polly-Anna smile, “Whatever you suggest!” She smiled with glee and I happily followed her to one of those ginormous massage chairs. She was happy with a juvenile (a.k.a. sucker!) customer and I was happy with my throne that wiggled and giggled my back, neck, and shoulders.
I was just getting my fat rolls situated when a lady parked her petite self in front of my feet. WHOA! Let me set the record straight here: I am VERY ticklish. I’m also apprehensive because I have callused feet. I played competitive golf for 14 years…walking 36 holes a day in golf shoes in not pedicure-friendly. I was also the child that refused to wear shoes. I remember my Mom fussing at me in church one Sunday because I had somehow left our house without shoes. And, I digress.
While Little Miss was rubbing my feet with gritty-lotion and using a saw-like motion with a tool that looked like a citrus zester, a young man with a tray of nail tips grabbed my hands. EASY THERE, BUDDY! I asked for an explanation and he replied, “You order solar nails, best option for you!” Oh gawd, what have I gotten myself into?! What are solar nails? There’s no time for details because Nail Guy is already glueing three-inch-long tips to my nails. LORD HAVE MERCY! I asked, “umm, are you gonna trim these?” He laughs and says I sound like a gitty teenage girl. He also asked if this is my first time, I hesitantly reply, “yes.” MAMA! Thus, Little Miss continued to scrub my feet (poor thing, I can’t imagine the torture) and Nail Guy kept with his talon-sculpting. Seriously, do humans really wear nails that long?!
I tried to enjoy the massage and pampering, but to be honest, I was too freaked out by the tedious process of solar nail application. Nail Guy dipped a brush into a clear solution, pink powder, then white powder and all I could think was, “oh my, I look like a bad girl.” Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse he got out this drill looking thing and dusted me with nail powder. Ewww.
I think my toes look good, see?
But I’m not so sure about my finger nails. I think they are too short with too much white tip. What do you think?
Husband says he likes my nails and says I should go once a month for a mani/pedi…I like how this man thinks! I’m definitely interested in his sweet offer. In fact, I did some researchin’ this afternoon and found what I think is the length I want to try next…with smaller white tips:
Have you seen the moon tonight? It’s a SUPER moon – whatever that means. I tried to take a couple of pictures, but it’s really windy out tonight and the gas trucks are at the rig behind our house so the extra light is distracting as well. It’s a natural phenomena that hasn’t happened in 20-plus years and won’t happen again for just as long.
So, there you have it. My “rot-10” nickname and the super-shining moon. Enjoy the rest of the weekend, I plan to. I have thoroughly enjoyed my spring break but, to be frank, I’m not looking forward to Monday. I’m as bad as the students wishing and hoping for summer to arrive.