Cranberry Relish

I have to tell you, when I was younger I hated cranberries and really disliked my mom’s relish. As much as I enjoyed being in the kitchen and helping her, I couldn’t get over the “sourness” of the berries.

Now, as I’m older and wiser, I love homemade cranberry relish. It’s sweet. It’s tart. It’s colorful. It’s lovely. It’s perfect.

This Saturday, my book club is having its Christmas potluck and cookie exchange, in addition to our monthly book discussion. I’m taking this relish for our lunch and several dozen Orange Zest Glazed Cookies for the cookie exchange. It’s going to be a dee-lish day!

For the cranberry relish, you’ll need to gather a few supplies:

The ingredient list is very simple.

• 2 12oz packages of whole cranberries, rinsed (about 6 cups)

• 2 large oranges

• 2 large apples

• 1 cup sugar (more or less to taste)

Remove any sticker labels from the fruit and rinse well with cold water.

Cut the apple into wedges (discard the core) and quarter the orange and remove any seeds. I also removed the white rind inside the orange. You don’t have to do this, it’s just my personal preferance.

Notice ……. I did not peel the apple or oranges. There’s ton of flavor in the apple skin and one of my favorite things in life is orange zest.

****** DO THE FOLLOWING IN SMALL BATCHES ******

In a food processor, add a few chunks of apple, orange sections, half-cup of cranberries, and sugar. Process for 10-20 seconds then scrape the bowl and process another 10 seconds. Transfer mixture to a large container and repeat.

Because I like a chunkier, crunchy consistency, I don’t over-process the mixture. Make this relish your own. If you want to have puree’d relish, process until smooth. Personally, I like finding a chunk of fruit. It’s like a surprise gift. Gifts make me smile. Chunky or smooth, I still love ya.

Make sure you have a tasting spoon handy while you’re making this relish. And a spatula to scrape the sides of the bowl.

Add sugar to your own taste. Using two bags of cranberries, I use one cup of sugar. The apples and oranges provide some sweetness. After the flavors get friendly in the fridge, taste it again. You can always add more sugar, but remember it’s supposed to be a tart relish. We’re not making jelly!

Store in an airtight container and refrigerate for several hours, preferably overnight. I think the relish tastes best two or three days after its made ….. which is why I made it today (Thursday) and will serve it Saturday. I have no idea how long leftovers will keep because I’ve never been in that situation. I promise ~ pinky swear ~ that I will keep my fat little fingers out of the cranberry relish between now and lunchtime on Saturday. Promise.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

Do you see the little bits of orange and chunks of apple?

It makes me so happy.

World Peace…..one piece at a time

Attention dieters and calorie-counters, you will be offended by this recipe. Pants with elastic waistbands are highly recommended.

I’m convinced this chicken fried steak with gravy would bring peace to the world. If the crunchy, battered tenderized steak didn’t encourage people to be nice to each other, the thick and creamy gravy would surely change their attitudes. It changed my Husband’s.

 

You know those little crunchy bits you get when you fry something? Well, I took a big handful and added them to the cream gravy. Yeah, I’m livin’ on the edge. Mmmmm mmmmm gooooooooood.

Sorry, I was having a personal moment with myself.

Moving on!

Back to Husband’s change in attitude tonight…

Husband’s been irritated and frustrated all day while trying to find tires to fit one of the trailers parked behind our house. Currently, there are three ~ a horse trailer, a bumper-pull trailor, and a gooseneck trailor. He blew two tires last weekend coming home from an auction and it’s been tougher-than-nails to find two additional tires that match the new ones. He began this “scavenger hunt” EARLY this morning. Seven hours later, plus several trips to multiple retail locations bearing the same name, he found the tires.

Praise the Lord, the tires will be here Monday.

All was fine-and-dandy in Husbandville until I heard growling words. I peaked my head outside and quickly ducked back in. Minutes later, Husband appeared to share his bad news.

While re-attaching a new tire to the trailer, he stripped the thread on a nut and bent a bolt. That’s not a good thing. In fact, it’s going to require ANOTHER trip to an auto or hardware store for a new nut and bolt.

I know what you’re thinking – - ”Wow, this girl really knows what she’s talking about!” Keep telling yourself that. I won’t stop you.

Anyway……..I tell you all of this because as soon as Mister Frustrated entered the kitchen and smelled battered meat fryin’ in the iron skillet, his attitude quickly changed and he was quite pleasant. He even poured a glass of sweet tea for me. Bless his heart. 

World Peace Chicken Fried Steak

Start with a couple of pounds of tenderized steak cut into large pieces. I used two large steaks and cut into 12 pieces. Husband and I enjoy leftovers, but you can adjust the quantities to suit your needs.

In a large bowl, combine eggs, milk, and seasonings. I use a mixture of salt, pepper, garlic powder, and paprika. In another bowl, combine add a good amount of Bisquick (or plain flour) and a healthy dose of more seasonings. In an assembly-line fashion, dredge the meat into the flour mixture, then the egg mixture, and return for another coating of flour.

Heat a large iron skillet over medium heat and pour in enough oil to completely cover the bottom.

When the oil is hot, add 2-3 pieces of steak, depending on their size. Don’t crowd the pan, this meat deserves respect and you’ll appreciate the crunchiness.

Cook for 3-4 minutes, then flip. The steaks are done when golden brown.

Served with mashed/smashed/smooshed/baked/fried/whatever-you-like potatoes and gravy, this fried steak will promote peace in the world…….one piece at a time.

Oh, and would you believe this recipe is completely, totally, unequivalocally, 100-percent dairy-free. That means, no milk, no butter, no cream, no nothing from a cow. Well, except the meat, of course. I might have an allergy to cow’s milk, but I’ll still eat the cow!

Have you entered my current giveaway? If not, click HERE and add a comment with your name and email address. If 100 or more comments are received, I’m increasing the Target gift card amount to $100.00. Contest ends Sunday at midnight. Good luck!

Peace, love, and fried steak,

pork butt = YUM

Pork butt is heaven on earth.

HA - I said butt.

butt, butt, butt

I crack myself up. (note: I’m home alone AND in a ridiculously giddy mood – I’ve laughed at my own jokes all day.) Anyway………..some bloggers do “Word-less Wednesdays” but c’mon, we all know that I can’t be quiet for an extended period of time. 

The following recipe was adapted from The Pioneer Woman.

Start with a pork butt. Or pork shoulder roast. Or butt roast. Or Heaven on Earth. Whatever it’s called…just buy it.

Remove the roast from its packaging, rinse with cold water, and pat dry.

My ingredients include an assortment of pantry staples: brown sugar, minced garlic, dark sorghum, and a yellow onion. The chipotle peppers are something new.

The chipotle peppers in adobo sauce is something I’ve never used before. The PW used them in her recipe, so I thought I’d give them a try. I purchased the smallest can I could find. I don’t like really spicy food.

I took a whole onion and sliced it in half, then removed the skin and sliced the two halves in half.

Lay the onion pieces on the bottom of a heavy-duty stock pot. The onions are like a pillow for the pork butt.

 

 

This “dry rub” is a combination of different spices I found in the spice cabinet, including chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and my Dad’s Holy Trinity – salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper.

The “odd” ingredient for this recipe, according to The PW, is Dr. Pepper. I use DP and other dark-colored colas (coke? pop? whatever you call it) in BBQ recipes all the time, especially when I make BBQ sauce. Plus, I like to see it fizz without spilling over the top of the pan. I’m easily entertained.

I topped the pork butt with adobo peppers and drizzled with dark sorghum molasses.

Cover and place inside a preheated 350-degree oven for 4-6 hours, depending on the size of your (pork) butt. My (pork) butt was over 7-pounds and it cooked for almost 6 hours. Once an hour, I’d flip the roast.

After five hours of cooking, I tried to pull out the roast’s bone. It was not coming out easily, so I continued to cook it. That’s the best indication of the roast being done…..when that bone comes out clean, it’s done.

Do NOT over-cook this meat. Over-cooking any meat is a sin.

What’s the point of that pitiful, pathetic, plastic cutting board? That’s embarrassing.

I used two forks to “shred” the meat and put fatty pieces, onions, and adobo peppers in the “discard” cup you see there on the side.

Turn oven to broiler, slice a kaiser roll in half and butter your buns!

hahaha – I’m laughing at my own jokes again.

Top the toasted bun with shredded butt meat.

Eat and enjoy.

YUMMMMMMMM

 

Super Simple Pot Roast

Summer has officially started. HIP HIP HOORAY!!! To celebrate, I fixed one of Kevin’s favorite meals (what’s up with that?!): pot roast and mashed tators. It’s not at all summer-y, but the A/C is down, the ceiling fan’s on high, and it’s kinda chilly in here!

I chose this particular meal for its convenience. Today was the last day of school for teachers and I was hoping I’d get home early but I honestly didn’t want to cook. As it turns out, Kevin got home and before he even came inside, he cranked the Dodge and loaded Blue into the trailer. Husband or no husband, bon appetit to me!

I went to bed last night later than I should have. To make matters worse, I had to be at school for an extra-early faculty meeting and then a day of hurry-up-and-wait. I won’t bore you with the mundane details of my day except for this: I survived my first year of  teaching middle school. I’m celebrating with a hearty dinner and an evening of controlling the TV remote by watching The Housewives. It’s good to be me!

This pot roast is SUPER easy. If you can plug-in a Crock-Pot, you can make this meal.  

This post isn’t a formal recipe. Prior to leaving this morning, this was my routine (note: I haven’t been to the grocery in two weeks, so these are all “staples” in my pantry):

• plugged in the Crock-Pot
• add one large carton of beef stock and one large carton of chicken stock
• one package of Knorr’s vegetable seasoning mix
• splash or two of Whats-this-here sauce (that’s what I call Worcestershire, don’t hate me)
• teaspoon of minced garlic
• teaspoon of beef base
• couple of teaspoons of cornstarch
• add the roast
• set the Crock-Pot to LOW, cover, and let the magic begin

As soon as I got home, about 7-8 hours later, I set the Crock-Pot to WARM. The meat was falling apart, which is perfect. I boiled potatoes for mashed tators, made gravy, and baked biscuits. Just as the husband was clankety-ing (boots + spurs + tile floor = clankety clank clank) out the door to the roping pen, I enjoyed dinner.

It was deeeee-lish.

Obviously.

Hostess with the Leastest

Disclaimer: this post is entirely a pissed-off rant session. I have a skull-splitting headache and having a self-proclaimed pity party. For the ladies that so graciously and generously attended today’s luncheon – M.J., T.C., L.W. and Lil’ A - I’m so thankful and appreciative. I’m glad we could share this meal - plus recipes – and the laughs together. My favorite part of the day was watching Lil’ A and Kevin…she knows a good guy when she sees one. Plus, she had a blast with the horses.

It’s times like these that cause me say What the f*ck?

Six weeks ago I decided that I was going to host a luncheon at my house. After some consideration, I decided it would be a recipe swap/potluck. Everybody brings a prepared dish, including copies of the recipe, to share with the group. Soon afterwards, I began making preparations. I ordered custom invitations (the snail-mail variety), created an invite list, and collected recipes.

On a recent trip to Austin, I found a colorful set of tableware I thought would be perfect for a “spring” luncheon. Nothing fancy, but definitely festive. 

Trying to be the Hostess with the Mostess, I went to a local shop and bought recipe-themed items and spa/pampering products to fill seven gift bags. I filled another gift bag with items from Starbucks®. Yeah, I spent some moo-lah on this damn thing.

Housecleaning Fairy – $100.00

“Vacation” Day to cook and prep – $125.00

Custom Invitations and Postage – $57.00

Tableware and tablecloth – $35.00

Board Game – $27.00

Fresh flowers – $15.00

Food and drinks – $100.00

Gifts – $83.00

I don’t even want to know this total. Besides, I’m just guessing at these amounts and most likely forgot a purchase or two. I don’t want to know…I really don’t.

OK, yes I do.

$542.00

Holy. Heifer. It’s not about the money. It’s principle. I sent 32 invitations. Eight responded. Three attended. I didn’t have a clue how many people were actually coming. As a good Southern woman does, I planned as if they were all coming – hoping for the best, prepared no surprises. Of course, I over-did everything - from the gifts to the fresh flower arrangements.

Four adults…that’s $135.00 per person (the toddler doesn’t count, she didn’t eat enough to feed a canary). We should have met someplace for lunch and saved all of us the hassle.

Three strikes for my hosting abilities:

One showed for New Year’s Eve

No response on Derby at Lonestar Park

Three and a half (remember, the toddler) attend the Recipe Swap

 I’m out.

Four-Ingredient Pizza

Plain. Simple. Cheap. Milk-free.

My favorite words to describe a fresh homemade meal.

Even though I cannot enjoy the creamy delicious-ness of an ooey-gooey cheese pizza, I can satisfy my cravings by using non-dairy (most often vegan) equivalents. My biggest complaint, however, is that “faux” cheese doesn’t melt. You can grill it, broil it, bake it, or fire it with a torch and the stuff won’t melt. OK, I made that last one up, but I’m telling the truth about the others.

If you prefer a pizza pie that’s no-fuss, I think you’ll like this little creation. I used a prepared crust and pre-made sauce, but I cooked my own pork sausage and used organic goat cheese.

Four ingredients.

The recipe below is completely dairy and milk-free but feel free to make this pizza to your liking, that’s the beauty of homemade pizza anyway.

I used Freshcetta Artisan® thin pizza crust. It was on a corner-display at the local grocery AND it’s milk-free. When I find new products that I think might be tasty and they’re milk-free, I get excited. Again, use your preferred brand of pizza crust or make your own.

FYI: This is not a paid advertisement or a product review.

1 prepared pizza crust

1 jar pizza sauce

1 lb pork sausage, cooked and well-drained (I seasoned with chopped onion and diced garlic, plus paprika, salt and pepper)

6 oz. crumbled goat cheese

Preheat oven according to package directions. Spread sauce evenly on top of crust then add your favorite toppings. Bake 12-15 minutes, or until cheese is melted (if you’re using “faux” cheese this would be a waste of your time and the pizza will be ruined) and the crust is golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool at least five minutes before slicing.

Easy stuff.

I drizzled olive oil and both sides of the crust before adding the sauce and toppings, then sprinkled with chopped basil and parsley. A pound of pork sausage might be too much for some, especially if you add more toppings, but I like a meaty pizza.

Make. It. Your. Own.

 Amen.

Heaven on a baking sheet

When all else fails, call your mother.

Unfortunately, it’s really painful to talk. As most of you know, I’m currently under an allergy attack and the past eight days have been hell. Considering my current state, I’m dreadfully anticipating another 3-4 days of misery.

Instead of calling Mom, I made cinnamon toast. I don’t normally eat much while I’m under attack, especially coarse foods, but this isn’t your run-of-the-mill cinnamon toast. This is a recipe from The Pioneer Woman. She doesn’t mess around.

Check out Ree’s cinnamon toast here. I tried her technique tonight and believe me, it’s worth the extra effort.

Taa-dah!!!!

This cinnamon toast will make even the unhappiest person happy. The bread is happy. You probably can’t hear it, but it’s singing the “hallelujah” chorus and doing the Happy Dance. It is. I swear. But then, who wouldn’t be happy if they were saturated with a butter/cinnamon/sugar/vanilla mixture?

Start by preheating the oven to 350.

In a mixing bowl, add sugar, cinnamon, butter and vanilla. Mix well. The mixture isn’t pretty to look at, but who cares? It’s but-tah and sur-gah. It’s heaven.

Spread mixture generously over each bread slice. By generous I mean don’t skimp. This is not diet fare. Your diet can start tomorrow. Be sure to spread ALLLLL the way to the corner, you don’t want the edges to feel left out. Edges need love too.

Bake 10-13 minutes. During the last couple of minutes, turn the broiler on and the sugar will caramelize. It’s like the cherry on top of a hot fudge sundae.

The verdict:

Yum.

Husband says it’s good and the kitchen smells like the Fort Worth Livestock Show and Rodeo. Huh? It smells like the sugared pecans you get at the stock show. Oh. Thanks. I think. Last-minute lesson planning (notice the textbook under my plate!) is more bearable with ooey-gooey, extra delicious bread saturated with butter (the soy kind), cinnamon, sugar and baked to perfection.