Separate ~ Joint ~ or both?

I had an interesting conversation recently about finances in a relationship.

Do you and your spouse (significant other) have separate or joint accounts?
What makes this work for the relationship?

Husband and I have separate accounts. I’m listed on his account, but he’s not on mine. There’s no other reason except I’m (we’re) too lazy to make the change, or close the account altogether. Plus, I like having my own. That’s good enough reason right there.

Let’s face it, disagreements about finances in a relationship (married or not) are wicked. So, I’ll be CRYSTAL CLEAR about this…

We are completely transparent about our finances. Husband and I live comfortably, but well below our means. We don’t live in a fancy home, drive expensive cars, or have extravagant “things.” Our lifestyle is comfortable, yet affordable.

Imagine for a moment……..you’re in line at a gas station or convenience store and the person at the counter uses their debit/credit card for a pack of gum or other small purchase.

Guess what?

That’s ME!!!!!!

It drives Husband CRAZY. I will purchase an 89-cent pack of gum with a debit card. Granted, there’s at least $5 in loose change in the cup holder of my car, but I won’t think to take it in the store with me.

This is another EXCELLENT reason for me to have a separate account. Husband is one of those people who checks his account 20938429 times per day. Me….not so much.

I made the mistake of using “his” card for a small purchase once, and before I drove off the lot my phone rang.

 

“Did you put 93-cents on the card?”

“Yes.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“I didn’t have cash.”

<heavy sigh> “Woman, you drive me crazy.”

<big smile> “I know.”

  

This is a really interesting topic to me because it’s something Husband and I don’t give much attention to. The “system” we implement in our relationship is easy. He takes care of certain things and I handle others. It works well for us.

At one point in our relationship, right after we got married and moved into our home, I made a comment to Husband about financial responsibilities and how much I appreciate everything he does for me. I added that I wish there was something more I could offer. His response meant a LOT to me, 

“You keep me going, that’s enough.”

At the end of the day, there’s no specific reason for having separate bank accounts. We don’t conform to society’s role as husband and wife because we want to be “normal.” We have a mutual understanding that we’ll each fulfill our responsibilities, financial or not.

I’m not trying to trivialize our marriage, but there are things in our relationship that we understand the other person will do without us asking,

• Husband will pay the mortgage.
• I’ll cook our meals.
• He will change the oil in our vehicles.
• I’ll make sure we have clean clothes to wear.
• Husband will enjoy team-roping.
• I will enjoy my new fancy-schmancy camera and blog.
• He will dabble with auctions and eat Chick-Fil-A.
• I will volunteer at church, travel with friends and family, eat sushi, and spend excessive amounts at Hallmark to send greeting cards to every possible person on every possible holiday or special event.

It’s what we do……..THIS WORKS FOR US!

Which reminds me, I have Father’s Day cards to mail. 

A Royal Prayer

I did not watch the wedding or invest lots of time and energy dwelling into the royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton (now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge). I didn’t lose sleep to watch their pomp and pageantry in the wee hours of Friday, April 29, 2011 either.

What I can’t get untangled from the web of my mind’s thoughts is the poignant and simple prayer the royal couple wrote for their ceremony at the majestic Westminster Abbey. The prayer was read by the Right Rev. Richard Charters, Lord Bishop of London, during his sermon:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I think this is one of the best compositions ever.

I think William and Kate’s words are beautiful, timeless, and filled with thoughtfulness for the human race. I’m guilty of allowing the busyness of life to get in the way of the things (people) that matter most to me. As I’m preparing for the mission trip to Haiti in August, the ways I share my love and consume my time and energy are becoming painfully obvious.

My hope – in Haiti and everywhere I go – is that I will love, comfort, serve, and nurture those that suffer with the blessings I’ve been given while on this earth. 

to whom much is given, much is required — Luke 12:48 

This is my prayer. What’s yours?

my marriage debacle

My marriage is in trouble. The deep doo-doo kind of trouble.

Kevin and I don’t have arguments or fights and we can have a thorough conversation without communicating a single word to each other. It’s a gift we have. We might toss around the idea that one of us is completely insane for being with the other (the jury’s still out on that one), but overall we have an extremely (ir)rational relationship.

Kevin calls me crazy. All. The. Time. My usual response,

I’m crazy in love with you!

He rolls his eyes.

Kevin farts. All. The. Time. My usual response,

Eww! Put a plug in it.

His response,

Do you want me to blow up?

He has a point.

You can often find me running to the bathroom like a crazy buffoon about to pee my pants and when I reach the porcelain throne and realize the toilet seat is up, I start to panic. That 0.4 seconds it takes for me to put the lid down is critical. I could have an accident.

Fortunately, hasn’t happened. Yet.

I say the toilet seat goes down. Kevin says the toilet seat stays up. I’m always putting it down. He’s always putting it up. One of the many things I love about marriage. And living with a man.

While we’re in the bathroom and still on similar topic, we occassionally have an issue with the toilet paper. Kevin could give a hill of beans (a.k.a. he doesn’t care) if the T.P. goes over or under the roll, he just simply puts a fresh roll on the thingamabobber and goes on about his business.

When we remodeled our bathroom we installed the toilet tissue holders that have the little arm thingy that the T.P. slides on, instead of the roller-springy-thingy you have to take apart, remove empty roll, insert new T.P. roll, and squeeze back on.

Did you get that? I’m not sure I did either. Moving on…

What else do I love about my husband?

The man will cut the balls (ahem, testicles – sorry Mom) out of a bull calf, but he simply REFUSES to touch a dirty dish. He’ll be knee-deep in horse poop, up to his elbows and eyeballs in grease, or weld a metal pipe fence, but don’t expect him to touch anything in a sink of soapy water. Oh. Em. Gee.

Where am I going with this post?

(waiting for the light bulb)

Oh, I remember!

Kevin thinks I’m crazy (he’s right), I think he’s crazy (I’m right), but one thing we both agree on: I drive him absolutely bananas when I leave the light on in the garage. I don’t think it would be an issue if I didn’t do it all the freakin’ time.

We have two doors in our utility room. One goes outside and the other into the garage. There is a light switch near the door to the garage with two lights: one for the outside security lights and the other one for the lights inside the garage. It’s taken me four years, but I’ve memorized which switch works for which light. What I have NOT memorized is to turn the lights OFF upon my re-entry inside the house.

Take last night for example…..

6:30 – Kevin had already gotten home from work and left with Blue for the roping pen

7:45 - About dark, I turn the OUTSIDE lights on. A nice gesture on my part, right?!

8:30 - I turn on the INSIDE garage light because I’m getting my school bag out of my car. I retrieve the bag, return to the living room.

9:00 - Kevin gets home and turns off all the lights.

9:05 – I return to the garage for my cell phone. (lights remain ON)

9:15 – Kevin goes outside to the barn to check on horses. Turns OFF all lights.

9:30 – I go to the garage to get my wallet. (lights ON again)

10:00 – Kevin goes to bed.

Guess what’s on all night?!?!?!

7:00 am - I head into the utility room to retrieve clothes I’m going to wear and wouldn’t you know…

HOLY CRAP

Sweet Baby Jesus, thank the Good Lord, that I found it BEFORE my sweet, loving, caring, and compassionate hubby-dearest found it. Ohhh, that was a close one.

For the record: when I left the house this morning, I checked, double-checked, and triple-checked that ALL the lights (inside and out) were turned OFF.

If I were a cat, I’d be down a life or two right now.

Have a great day, Y’all!!!!!!

Celebrating our wedded bliss

Nicole & Kevin - March 31, 2007

This week, Thursday to be exact, Kevin and I will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. We’ve been together eight years, but it seems much longer. We met in a Yahoo! Chat room, long before online matchmaking became popular. Most were skeptical and said we were crazy, but I credit our strong Christian beliefs, similar core values, and honest communication to the success of our relationship. Kevin and I based our long-distance relationship on honesty, trustworthiness, and hope in the future – our future. We were committed to one another from the beginning; we endured the hardships of being apart while being patient with God’s plan in our lives.

Courtesy of The Journal-Enterprise (May 15, 2002)

When we met in June 2003, I was in Kentucky preparing for collegiate golf at Bellarmine University in Louisville. Kevin was an IT supervisor in Dallas, Texas. In 2004, I earned an athletic scholarship to Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas. God was making a way for this relationship. A year later, in 2005, I was accepted at Texas A&M University in Commerce, located 30 minutes from Kevin and his family. It was divine intervention.

Courtesy of Chris Owens Photography - Fort Worth, Texas (March 2007)

Today, Kevin and I are living a blessed life near Fort Worth, Texas. He is still in IT and I’m a middle school social studies teacher. Kevin enjoys team roping and I am active at church and enjoy reading, cooking, and blogging. If the weather’s nice, you’ll find us on the front porch with a pitcher of sweet tea or in the pasture with our golf clubs. Occasionally, we’ll challenge each other in a game of “the closest one to the water trough wins.” I usually win.

Kevin makes me laugh every single day; he is my best friend and partner for life. I am forever grateful that KyGolfGirl met TxTeamRoper and married March 31, 2007. God is so good.